hearts tear borders

I peeled fourty apples and thought of you with sticky fingers  these kind of timeless moments are stitched together with threads of bliss. 

Holding each other through the time of each other's absence  loving you with all my heart, attached to my tongue  all my words a lovedrunk song, filled with the music of longing  every day you make me drink your beauty  your heart knocks on my chest  I let you in. 

Am I still the goddess with the countless amount of arms and hands?  Am I holding any instruments? Why did I give up on the garden?  Why is it too much for me to grow from seeds? Why don't I kneel  between the weeds? Why does it always rain on the washing?  Why did the flooding of my life start from my center? Can I drown my own eyes? Can I get some time to not see, to not be me? Can I get a break?  Can I stay dark for longer than a night?  Why can't I choose between fast forward and erase rewind  Why am I afraid to be a child of time? It is sick, that's why. Can I cry myself blind?  Will you finally be here when I will open my bright eyes again.  Will from the mud once again rise a flower or a tree, will there be fruits  for you and me? Which year? Can we after all get planted besides each other, can we grow  into that kind of hug that looks ancient and everlasting? Am I to hopeless to grow together?  Can my arms turn into bra...

it tore off my hopes  it shaved off my dreams  the mask around my mouth and nose  made me pour out truthful words  because it hurted to hide myself  to smile but not do well  what remains hidden for the eyes  I gotta say it, your ears can drink it  from my voice  there is lava on my inside  this passion boiling to get out  you feed my fire an its rising  I have been so hungry all along. 

what can this be but  the bright black leaking in  it gets in where I have been biting my nails  it gives a downward pull similar to the hands of waterplants  lonely and without a chance like a rose losing it's petals  quitely letting go of the daytime life  sinking into the silky dark of night  waiting, waiting  next year a similar rose will grow  where it died after it blossemed  I want to fast forward to be so fresh and pure again. 

feeling so small  once again I have to let go all  I thought I had  the jungle is so thick this year  I can't even see a path just a lioness wishing she had manes around her head  and life to face her like a king.